Beyond Birthday's Bible School
by GenvieveWoolf
Summary: Impossible, you say? Just watch how it unfolds. No, this is not a religious promotion, nor is it a spoof on religion. It's just good clean Wammy fun. Might make you laugh out loud, so you probably shouldn't read it in a library. xp
1. How it Started

_It's another ordinary day at the children's home for geniuses. Or is it? :p This story is strictly humor. I'm not following a specific timeline; I made up ages and circumstances as I went. I saw the letters BBBS somewhere and it inspired this whole abnormal caper. Usual disclaimers apply, and I'll add this warning: you may laugh out loud in occasional spots. Further disclaimer: I have myself attended VBS multiple times. I'm not trying to make fun of any religion. It just lent itself to the story._

_Saburo, Kent, Ren, Cho, Hoshi, and Taro are mine. I plan for them to show up in future stories. This is their first FF appearance, I believe, but they were born in a roleplay between me and my sister. Please do not use them in your fics._

_

* * *

_"Wammy House costs a lot to run," L told his followers—or tagalongs, really, one day during a hiatus from crime solving. "I know Watari has a lot of money, but… none of us knows how much."

"What will happen to us if it closes?" A asked, wide-eyed.

B scoffed. "It won't close," he said. "Watari won't let anyone close it. He'll sell a few castles and a couple thousand stock shares and we'll have nothing to worry about."

"We should worry about it," L said, throwing a serious damper on B's care-free attitude. "Just because he _can_ doesn't mean we should rely on it."

A narrowed his eyes in speculation. "You think we have a duty to help out—even if he doesn't need it?"

"It's the least we can do."

"OK," B said, shrugging. "If you think so. Leave it to me. I've got ten money-making ideas in my head right now."

"Try the legal ones first," L muttered.

"It's summer," B mused. "Children are home from school. Their parents are desperate for a break from them. I know just what to do…"

A looked at L with horror as B slunk from the room, rubbing his pale hands together.

"You don't think he's going to try running a daycare, do you?" A asked worriedly.

"No. Too much work with too small a return. My guess is a day camp. But whom he thinks he'll get for an instructor or counselor at such late notice, I have no idea."

Weeks passed, but the rumors passed quicker. It was soon common knowledge that B had rented a church for two whole weeks and begun hanging posters around town. A huge banner over the church's front door read "BBBS—grand opening this Monday! Children welcome, ages seven to twelve. Week days, 9 am to 2 pm."

"The church is Birmingham Baptist… so I guess it's Birmingham Baptist Bible School," some of the Wammy children supposed.

L disagreed. "He might as well have called it VBS like everyone else. No; he has a devious plan, and he's named it after himself." He went to find B's older friend Saburo. As one of the first children in Wammy's, Sabu was something of an authority among the youngsters. Having outgrown the lessons in his area of expertise, he was now an assistant to the chemistry professor.

"Sabu," L greeted him in the school yard, "I need a favor."

Sabu smiled and folded his arms. "The perfect genius comes to _me_ for help? Something must really be wrong. Is the world ending?"

"Nothing that drastic, I hope…. You know this thing BB has going on at that church?"

"Of course."

"I want to see the curriculum he's planning to use."

Sabu laughed. "Sorry, but if you want to see it, you'll have to enroll like everyone else."

"I'm too old," L pointed out. "The banner says seven to twelve."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll make an exception for a eighteen-year-old who's a little behind the times," Sabu said, grinning.

"Very funny. B is only fifteen, himself. How does he think he's going to control so many children?"

"Who knows? But I'm guessing he'll do it the way he always has."

L didn't like the knowing look on Sabu's face. He turned and walked over to another of the older Wammy's residents. "Kent," he said, "find A, Cho and Hoshi. We need an emergency meeting."

Kent nodded. "Your room?"

"Yes."

Soon Kent, A, Cho, Hoshi, Mello, Near and Matt were assembled. L looked disapprovingly at Matt. "Who brought him?"

Mello groaned. "He's always tagging after me. I can't get rid of him! Besides, you invited Near, and Matto's older."

"Age has nothing to do with it…"

"I'm right here!" nine-year-old Matt piped up, not taking his eyes off his Gameboy. "You don't have to stand around talking about me like I don't exist."

"You're ignoring the rest of us with your pointless game," Near pointed out.

"It's not pointless! The goal is to—"

Mello clamped a hand over Matt's mouth. "He'll be quiet," he said solemnly to L.

L rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Now, I called this meeting because while the rest of us have thought up legitimate, legal and helpful ways to earn money for our gift to Wammy House, BB is obviously up to something devious…"

"I'm holding a science fair," Near put in.

L paused. He liked Near a lot for his intellect. But sometimes his mind wandered off the important subject at hand. He couldn't help it, of course. He was just a kid. But it was annoying. "Yes, Near. That's nice. Now, as I was saying, we need to make sure B isn't doing anything that will hurt people. Some of you are young enough to enroll in his little Bible School and observe firsthand…"

"Infiltration. My specialty," Matt said, still not looking up from his game.

Mello looked apologetic as he elbowed Matt and hissed, "Shut up."

"The rest of us," L went on, "will need to take a less direct approach, I think."

"Maybe not," said Kent. "B might hire us on as helpers."

"He wouldn't trust me," said A.

"He doesn't trust me either," said Cho. "Besides, he knows how to read my face."

"He likes me," Hoshi said quietly.

"You're always avoiding him, though," Kent reminded her. "Won't he find it suspicious if you suddenly start paying attention to him?"

"Maybe. But I think he's conceited enough to attribute it to his own charm."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" L asked her seriously. "When this is over and he realizes you were pretending, he might make your life pretty miserable."

Hoshi pressed her lips together. "Let him try. I can kick his butt."

Mello laughed. Then when he realized he was the only one who had, he sobered quickly.

"We can protect her," Kent said.

"You, A and me against B, Sabu and Taro? Maybe… but Taro is the Judo instructor's prize student, remember..."

"Don't forget me," said Cho. "I've kicked some major butt in my time, too."

"And I really know how to annoy BB," Matt said proudly, eyes glued to screen.

Near looked over at Matt serenely. "Matto, with you, everything is about pushing buttons."

Matt paused his game just long enough to send Near a scathing look out of the corner of his eye.

Mello couldn't hide a smirk. It was nice when Near scored off someone besides him.

"_Anyway_," L said, trying to keep the conversation from dissolving into childish sniping, "The BBBS starts in two days, so we need to get busy."

Mello laughed aloud.

"Now what?" asked Kent.

"Well… don't you guys think it's funny? Beyond Birthday's BS? He's always dishing out BS around here—why not at a church?"

"You're so immature," Hoshi sighed.

"You only learned what BS stood for last week," Kent accused.

"Nah-uh!" Mello exclaimed. "I've known for forever."

"Forever, like last week when I explained it to you," Matt put in, not looking up.

Near smiled. "I'm content not knowing, thank you."

Mello momentarily forgot his plan to strangle Matt and grinned devilishly at Near. "It means—"

Kent put his hand firmly over Mello's mouth. "OK, if you _children_ don't shut up, you'll have to leave the meeting. Got it?"

"Thank you," L told Kent. "Now, I want you three youngsters to enroll at the church. Kent, see if B will take you as a helper. Hoshi, turn your charms on him. A, Cho and I will master operations from my room. Who has a cell phone?"

"I do," said Cho.

"Me, too," said Kent.

"Cho, let Hoshi borrow your phone when she's out on mission," L instructed. "She may need to reach us quickly. We'll have mine here." He looked at the clock. "Now you three youngsters had better get to bed. I don't want you in detention when I need you out there, got it?"

"Got it," said Mello and Matt together. Near merely gave a nod and got to his feet.

Mello stood. "Come on, Matt. Matto, bedtime."

"Just gotta finish the level…"

"_Now_!" Mello tugged Matt's arm. "I swear, if you keep playing those games all day, your mind will turn to mush and you'll be no good to anyone."

"Except the ladies," Matt said, grinning at his game screen.

"Come _on,_ you idiot," Mello growled.

Near took Matt's other arm and they dragged him to the door.

"Hey… hey! You messed me up," Matt accused. "Gah! Stop! Let me at least pause it! Hey!"

Kent closed the door behind them. "It's a shame we need them," he said. "They can really be a pain."

"They'll grow out of it," said Cho.

A stretched. "If you need a diversionary tactic, I'm sure I can distract B or any of his cronies."

"Except Ren," Kent reminded him. "She's pretty smitten with B, which automatically means she dislikes you. And she mostly ignores everyone else."

"If she hates me, she'll pay me almost as much attention as she would if she liked me," A said confidently. "Don't worry."

"We won't really know how to act until we have firsthand information," L said, steepling his fingers. "So I'd say we put our part into motion as soon as possible tomorrow; other than that, we'll have to wait until opening day so Near and the others can give us a report."

* * *

When L went to brush his teeth that night, he met B in the bathroom.

B paused in his application of hair gel. "Outta my office," he said, smirking. "Don't you know this is the B-room?"

"What makes you think you can run a Bible school?" L asked, squirting toothpaste onto his brush.

"Easy." B went back to gelling his hair. "There are a few elements every Bible school has. Bibles, games, songs, fake money, cheap prizes and snacks. I've made arrangements for those."

"Songs? You don't know any Christian songs. Wait, what kind of snacks?"

B grinned. "Ren looked up some popular VBS songs on the internet. She'll teach them to the children—if they don't already know them, of course. You see, I purposely scheduled my program late in the summer. That way, a lot of the kids will already have attended a few others this year. They'll fill in the gaps where we don't know what to do."

L had to admit, it was a good plan. "But where does the money come in? And did you say what kind of snacks?"

B pulled all his hair straight up in spikes. "We're going to explain to the children that we're raising money for a children's home," he said proudly. "Their parents will send dues along with them. I've seen it done before. It works."

"If they've already attended a lot of VBSs this summer, maybe their parents will be tired of giving them money for it," L pointed out. He put his toothbrush in his mouth. "What soat o' snacks are you suvving dem?"

"They'll bring money, trust me. You just have to make a contest out of it. Get them all competitive. Works like a charm." B rinsed his hands in the sink. "Well, seeya tomorrow."

"Waid…" L spat in the sink. "Why are you styling your hair right before you go to bed?"

"Because if I get it all full of gel now, it will freeze in bed-head position," B explained on his way out. He paused in the doorway. "And it'll look just like yours."

L scowled.

"Oh, and by the way," B added, poking his slick-haired head back through the door, "you wanted to know what kind? Cheap." He continued on his way, an evil smirk dominating his features.

"Drat him," L muttered.

* * *

_Horrors! BB running a VBS? What shall happen next? lol Hope you enjoyed it so far. I know it's very random, but who doesn't like a good laugh with the Wammy boys once in a while, right? *hugs them all*_


	2. Life and Death

_Here's chapter two. It gets off to a slow start, but I think it improves as it goes. xp I've been working on cosplay lately, and videos, so I haven't been writing as much. (search my username and "Death Note" on youtube and you will see what I've been up to.) Bible passages are from the King James Version. Again, I stress that I do not intend to poke fun at anyone's religion. This is meant as good clean humor.  
_

* * *

B allowed Kent to work as a game leader. "He just doesn't want to do any of the actual work himself," Kent reported to L the night before B's grand opening. "He had just a few rough ideas sketched out for games. I had to figure out how they could work on my own. And I had to make adjustments for different age groups. It's like he's already forgotten that little kids think differently from older kids."

L shook his head. "I don't think he's forgotten. I think he wants to keep you well occupied because he suspects that you're spying for me. And he knows you'll do the work because you're kindhearted."

Kent's expression froze, as if he didn't want to change it for fear of confirming that he had been duped.

"Don't worry," L consoled him. "You will still be useful to me. At game time you can pick up information from the younger kids and pass it on to me. That way, Near and Mello won't have to speak to me directly, which would arouse B's suspicions."

"I hung around the church a bit today," Hoshi announced. "I played a little hard-to-get with B. "I think he's going for it."

L nodded, admiring Hoshi's pretty looks. "Good. Now remember: our goal is to make sure he is not harming any children, and that he isn't taking anyone's money under false pretenses. If he isn't doing those things then we have no grounds to sabotage him."

"What if he's teaching them a bunch of crap?" asked Mello, who had tagged after the older students uninvited. "Does that count as harming them?"

"That depends," L said. "We'll figure that out as we go."

Cho listened from a corner, watching L. She watched L watch Hoshi. For some weeks she had had a suspicion that L was sweet on Hoshi. She knew no one would believe her if she told them—the accepted legend of L stated that the detective had no interest in close personal relationships of any kind, and that he wouldn't know how to flirt if he wanted to. But Cho knew that at the core of every stupid guy—and probably at the core of the few who weren't stupid, too—was a desire to watch pretty girls. If entertained, the desire developed into a want to do more than watch. She was sure L had it in him; she just hoped Hoshi wouldn't realize it.

Hoshi had had a crush on L years back. It was not-quite-forgotten common knowledge among the older students. Even L knew of it, but he never seemed embarrassed by it, which was probably why the rumors had nearly died. What was the fun of talking about it if teasing had no effect? Hoshi had confided in Cho and eventually told her that she was going to try to get over her crush because L would never be interested in anyone, including her. Now Cho wondered whether or not she was really over it.

Cho also knew that BB had begun mimicking L a lot more lately. She wondered if B had started chasing Hoshi because he knew Hoshi had liked L. It wouldn't surprise her, she decided.

"Cho?"

Cho blinked and looked up at Kent. "Sorry, what?"

"He said your karate is the best in the school," Hoshi related. "I think you should say thank you."

Cho smiled. "Well, thanks, Kent. I'm not sure you're right, but it's nice of you to say. If it comes down to pounding those guys, I'm up for it. But it will look bad if we have to fight at a church."

"Let's do our best to keep physical tactics as a last resort, and especially to not use them in front of the children," L agreed.

The others nodded.

"Well, I'm off to bed," Hoshi declared. "If I don't get enough sleep, I'll start looking like a panda. Um… no offense."

L blinked and looked around as Hoshi left. "Is anyone here a panda?" he asked.

Cho burst out laughing. "No, but someone here doesn't get much sleep," she said when she had enough breath.

"I don't like sleeping," L said. "You don't get anything done when you're asleep."

"Sometimes it feels good to do nothing," said Kent. "Anyway, Mello, if you don't get to your room within about two minutes, you're going to be late for curfew. Scram."

The meeting dispersed and L went to brush his teeth. BB wasn't there this time—neither was anyone else. It wasn't unusually late, and L found the empty bathroom a little strange. The sounds of his brushing his teeth seemed to echo loudly off the walls.

He went back to his room and crouched on his bed with the light off. He knew he was supposed to sleep, but there was so much to think about. He chewed his thumbnail and pondered the notion that Beyond Birthday was opening a Bible school the next day. Ridiculous. But there was no time left for incredulity. He had to be ready for whatever they learned tomorrow.

* * *

Near got to the church fifteen minutes early to find Matt and Mello sitting back to back in front of the sign-in table in the church parking lot. Matt was playing his gameboy as usual. Mello looked half asleep. Near supposed they had been there for some time. He went to kneel beside them on the pavement.

"Why did you come so early?" Near asked.

"We wanna make sure we're at the top of the list for everything," Mello said.

"Why?"

"I dunno. It was Matt's idea."

"We've been watching them set stuff up," Matt said, not looking up from his game.

Near doubted Matt had been watching anything other than his Mario avatar, but he didn't say so.

"We have the inside edge," Matt added.

"All I've got is a sore butt from the pavement and a headache because I didn't get enough sleep," Mello complained.

Near looked at the new banner which Taro and Saburo were putting up over the church's front door. It said "BBBS Now Open!" Bright red smileys surrounded the time listings. Absentmindedly stroking the small stuffed lion which his classmate Jun had given him, Near momentarily entertained the idea that B was a vampire and that he was using the VBS to lure in fresh young blood. Everything would make sense under that theory… He wished Mello would quit griping.

"It's getting hot out here. My chocolate's all melted. I'm hungry. I want some water. Isn't it time to open yet?"

Other children had begun to line up behind Near. A few had their parents with them. He watched the families closely, deciding it was a good opportunity to observe the way much of the populace related to each other. Families were not a well-understood topic for the Wammy House children.

Sabu came to sit in a chair behind the fold-out table. "OK, you two. I'll get your name tags ready."

"Hang on," Matt said, pausing his game. He helped Mello stand (Mello uttered cries of pain from staying in one position so long), leaned over the table and said quietly, "They're gonna divide us up somehow, right? For teams?"

Sabu sighed. "You can't tell anyone else this, all right?"

Matt nodded.

"It's every other person."

"Gah! Near, thank God you're here," Matt exclaimed. He grabbed Near and pulled him forward. "Quick, get between me and Mello!"

Near retrieved his lion off the ground, straightened his white button-down shirt and obediently occupied the narrow space between Matt and Mello.

Mello also looked grateful for Near's presence. "That's one way to get him more than two inches away from me," he muttered darkly.

Near twisted a lock of hair with his free hand.

"Name?" Sabu said to Mello.

"You know my name—it's Mello," said Mello.

Near saw a few children behind them peering around each other, trying to get a look at Mello.

"Here's your name tag," Sabu said, sticking a label on Mello's chest. "Go inside and sit on the left side of the sanctuary."

Mello walked confidently toward the church steps.

"Name?" Sabu asked Near.

"Near," Near replied, straightening up. "And this is Archimedes."

Sabu did a double take. "Oh… uh, your lion doesn't need a name tag."

"He just can't spell Archimedes," Matt muttered from behind Near, caught up with his gameboy again.

"They got funny names," someone whispered too loudly behind them.

Sabu put a label on Near. "Go on in and sit on the right side of the sanctuary."

Near walked away slowly.

"Tell Mello I'm comin'!" Matt called after him.

"Why, so he can hide?" Near said under his breath. He wondered why Matt had decided that Mello had to be his best friend. He also wondered why Mello didn't like it.

"Name?"

"Matt!"

"Yeah… here you go…"

Near looked around the church sanctuary. Mello was sitting on the left as he'd been instructed. The room had been decorated more macabre than Near had expected. Most VBS themes were things like "winter wonderland" or "wild, wild west." BB seemed to have chosen "the other side of the graveyard" or some such thing.

A moment later, Matt rushed past Near to enter the row Mello was sitting on.

"Don't sit by me," Mello snapped.

Matt stopped in his tracks. He hemmed and hawed a moment. He looked to Near for help, but Near just shrugged. "Uh… how come?" he said.

"I'm tired of you following me and doing everything I do," Mello explained.

Mario died in Matt's hand. He had forgotten to pause his game. Silently, Matt turned around and slipped into the pew behind Mello.

Near sat in the row across from Matt. Soon more children came in, name tags in place.

"Boy, you guys had a great idea," a boy about Near's age told him. "I told that guy my name was Boombox and he believed me. My friend Jeff is gonna see if they'll put 'Skateboard' on his name tag."

Near blinked.

About fifteen minutes later, Ren appeared on the platform at the front of the young audience. Her face was painted pale and she had dark circles around her eyes. "Good morning," she said brightly. "Sorry it took so long to get started, but tomorrow it will go faster because we'll have your name tags waiting for you. How many of you brought a Bible with you today?"

Several children held Bibles up in the air. Near pulled a pocket New Testament from his breast pocket and held it up. Mello produced a ragged looking black leather Bible. He'd probably had it as long as he could remember, but he rarely read it.

"Very good," Ren congratulated them. "Be sure you bring your Bible with you every day, because you will earn…" she pulled a wad of fake money from the front of her dress. "…fun bucks for the store, and points for your team! And be sure you remember which side of the church you're sitting on, because the kids sitting around you are your teammates. OK? Great! This summer our theme is life and death. Does anyone know a Bible verse about life and death?"

Most of the children who had brought Bibles raised their hands. Ren pointed to one near the front. "Yes?"

"John three-sixteen," the child recited. Most of the raised hands went down. Apparently John 3:16 was the best-known verse in their circles. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life."

"Very good! That's ten points for team A."

"What's 'perish' mean?" Boombox hissed.

"Die," Near answered quietly.

"Oh."

"Anyone else?" Ren called, sounding enthusiastic, though Near thought she looked like she wasn't enjoying herself at all.

Near raised his hand.

Ren searched the audience for a while before she decided she couldn't ignore Near's hand any longer. "Yes?"

"John eleven-twenty-five: Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection and the life. He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live."

"Very—" Ren started to say, but Near wasn't done.

"First Corinthians fifteen-twenty-two: For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive."

"Good one," Ren said, trying desperately to retake the floor. But Near was in filibuster mode.

"First Thessalonians four-sixteen: For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first."

"OK, OK, that's enough," Ren exclaimed. "Let's give some other kids a chance."

But the other kids were so disgusted with Near's ability to rattle off verses that they couldn't think of any more.

"All right, then," Ren said, trying to regain some composure, "I'd like to tell you about the contest we'll have going all of the two weeks of our BBBS. We are trying to raise some money for an orphanage. It's a sort of school where orphans go. Whichever team raises more money by the end of the two weeks will get one thousand bonus points for their team. And whichever team wins the contest, each team member will get a special prize!"

The children oohed, ahhed and whispered appreciatively.

"Now, let's split up into our groups for activities. Everyone seven and eight years old, go with Mr. Sabu for a snack. Nine-year-olds, you'll be out back with Mr. Backup for a lesson. Ten-year-olds, you're outside with Mr. Kent for games. Eleven and twelve, you stay here with me for a story. Have fun!"

Near was glad their curiosity about BB's Bible lessons was going to be satisfied first. He was also glad he had just turned nine—otherwise he'd be stuck with the youngest group.

"How'd you remember so many verses," Boombox asked Near.

"Promise not to tell?" Near asked quietly.

Boombox crossed his heart.

"I have a photographic memory."

"What's that mean?"

"It means if I read something once, I'll remember it perfectly for a long time—maybe forever."

"Wow! That would sure be nice in school."

"No talking!" B exclaimed as they entered the Sunday school classroom. Then he smiled at the children. "Take your seats, please."

Near looked around. Mello had sat off to one side. Matt was in a back corner. Near wasn't sure, but he thought Matt looked like he might have been crying. He faced front again. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

_Oh, cliff-hanger! xD Frankly, I don't know where this story will end up, but I'm enjoying the ride so far. Hope you are, too._

_By the way, I'd like to mention that I'm not a yaoi fan, so if you're hoping for Matt and Mello to develop a romance, don't hold your breath. As for the pentagon (Ren-B-Hoshi-L-Cho), I am planning to do more with that; just not sure how much will come out in this story.  
_


	3. Round One

_Sorry it took me so long. Real Life... xp Enjoy. (warning: curse word used in this chapter.)_

* * *

"Can anyone guess what Bible story we'll be studying this week?" B asked brightly, his gelled bed-head standing out stiffly from his scalp.

Several children answered at once, creating a confused clamor.

"Just a moment," B said above the noise, lifting his hands for quiet. "If you want to answer, you need to raise your hand and wait until you are called on."

Hands went up all over the room. B chose a nerdy-looking, Bible-toting kid in the front row. "Yes, you."

"Lazarus?" the boy asked.

B grinned. It was too easy. "Very good. Which team are you on?"

"A."

B frowned. He couldn't help it—he wanted team B to win. "OK. Well, ten points for team A," he said grudgingly. "Who can tell me where the story of Lazarus is found?"

Near had a serene smile on his face. One that made B think the younger boy knew exactly what he was doing. When Near raised his hand, B ignored it. When Boombox raised his hand, B pounced on his chance. "Yes?"

"Near has his hand up," Boombox reported helpfully.

B pasted an insincere smile on his face. "Thank you," he said through his teeth. "Near?"

"Luke sixteen-nineteen," Near answered, keeping his face unreadable. "I'm team B."

Pages began to turn.

"All right, who would like to start reading Luke sixteen-nineteen to us?" B asked. He called on the nerdy kid again.

"There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and linen, and faired sum… sump-too…"

"Sumptuously," B said impatiently.

"…sumptuously every day," the boy read. "And there was a certain beggar, named Lazarus…"

B glared at the words on the page in front of him. Near had tricked him. This wasn't the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead—this was the story of the rich man going to hell! But if he said it was the wrong passage now, most of the children would realize that B didn't know his Bible very well. When the boy had read five verses, B stopped him and called on another child to read while he thought over his dilemma. Then he read the last two verses of the story himself.

"So today let's think about those first five verses," he instructed. "What happens at the beginning of the story?"

Boombox raised his hand and B called on him immediately. "Dogs licked the beggar's sores."

Some of the children made exclamations of disgust. Others laughed.

"You think that's funny?" B snapped. "How would you like to be covered with oozy welts so painful it felt _good_ when a dog came up and licked you?"

The children sat still, wide-eyed.

"What else happened?" B asked, as if nothing had happened.

A girl near the middle of the group supplied, "The rich man and Lazarus both died. Lazarus went to heaven and the rich man went to hell."

"Right." B paused. "Actually," he amended, "the Bible says Lazarus went to Abraham's bosom."

"Isn't that the same thing?" the girl asked.

B leered at her over his lectern. "Is it? You tell me."

Near raised his hand. B ignored him. Boombox raised his hand.

"Yes, Boombox?"

"Near has his hand up."

B's teeth grated together. "Thank you," he said through them. "Near?"

"Abraham's bosom is a term used synonymously with 'paradise,' and it is the place good, God-fearing people went when they died before Jesus died on the cross and prepared new places for the righteous in heaven."

"That is… one interpretation," B said loftily, hoping he sounded like a scholar.

Near wasn't done. "During the three days that Jesus' body was in the tomb, he descended beyond the grave and led the people in Abraham's bosom to their new home with God the Father."

"That is a widely accepted view among Christians," B agreed grudgingly. This was not going well. The last thing he wanted to do was get deep into theology and doctrine. Or be shown up by one of his pupils. Why did Near know so much about it anyway? Just his luck. "Anyway," he said, deciding it was better to back-peddle a little, "for the sake of time we will just say that it is the same. Now, where did the rich man go?"

"Hell," the children chorused.

B stomped his foot. "What did I tell you?" he demanded.

A little girl in front raised her hand meekly.

"You."

"To raise our hands," she said, sounding close to tears.

"That's right! Which team are you on?"

"Team A."

"Damn. I mean rats. I mean… you get twenty points for that one," B said, pasting on a huge smile which he hoped would counteract the thoroughly shocked looks on the children's faces.

"What did he say?" the children in back were whispering to each other. "He said the D word!" "Are you sure?"

B cleared his throat loudly.

Matt had perked up for the first time since the lesson began. He was actually smiling. B didn't like it.

"Ah… anyway, it's almost time for the next group to come in, so you all head out to the auditorium for story time, all right?"

The children with Bibles began closing them and zipping them away in cases.

"Try to memorize Luke sixteen-nineteen. We'll talk more about the rich man and Lazarus tomorrow." The worst part was that now B had to talk to all the other groups about this same passage, or else choose a different passage for each age group. He knew he didn't have time to keep track of that many lessons, even if the children did most of the teaching themselves. Near had won this round by a landslide. "I'll fix him," he muttered under his breath.

The one good thing about Near's smarty-pants answers was that he was on team B. That was something, anyway.

* * *

Ren held up her finger puppets in front of her as she sat on the edge of the platform before the nine-year-olds. "Min, Jo and Lin knew they weren't allowed to play in the graveyard," she said in an eerie tone, "but their parents always talked a long time after church, and they were bored. It was just getting dark…"

Matt leaned on the bench in front of him, actually enjoying the story. Rather, he enjoyed Ren telling the story. She just wasn't the story-telling type. She wasn't the finger-puppet type either. But she was pretty. Most of the little boys liked looking at her pretty, ghostly face as much as they liked the spooky story.

Mello sat on the edge of his seat, eyes wide, drinking in every word. When Min, Jo and Lin arrived at the crypt, he shuddered appreciatively at the atmosphere of the graveyard pictured in detail in his imagination.

Near was bored. What was the fun of a story that was completely fictional and had no references to much of anything real at all? What was he supposed to get out of it—not to go into graveyards?

"…But the crypt was locked up tight, so there was no mischief for the children to get up to there," Ren said. Some of the children looked relieved; others, sorely disappointed. "Then they came to a grave that was depressed a couple of inches below the rest of the ground. 'What's this?' asked Jo. 'A new grave,' said Lin. "This man died just last fall. The loose dirt has gotten packed down in the last few months.' 'That isn't why,' Min disagreed. 'It's because he wasn't really dead. He escaped from his grave and the dirt fell down into the hole where he used to be!' Jo was frightened..."

Near yawned. Ghost stories had never entertained him. He was interested in supernatural things, but these sorts of stories never _explained_ anything—they created more questions.

"…but it was completely dark now! The three friends couldn't remember which direction to go to get back to the church, and the graveyard was very big. What would they do?" Ren paused dramatically. "We'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out," she concluded smugly.

"Aww," several children complained. "I wanna know what happens!" "I'm definitely coming back tomorrow." "This is way cooler than that 'Bob and Julie Visit their Missionary Grandparents' story we got at the Lutheran church last week."

During game time, Matt came out of his moody shell the rest of the way and helped lead team A to a narrow victory two out of three games.

"He hasn't done anything illegal yet," Near reported to Kent between games, "but he did swear in the Bible lesson and he doesn't seem to know his theology."

Kent nodded. "Keep me posted."

At the snack area, Near stuffed his pockets with the treats he didn't care for, but which he knew L would appreciate later. Mello actually shared his sandwich cookies with Matt: Mello got the chocolate side, Matt got the vanilla side. Apparently they were friends again. At least for the moment. Mello could be very fickle.

Then came store time. None of the children had enough bucks to buy very much yet, but they admired the items they hoped to save up for. Back at the auditorium once more, Saburo addressed the small crowd of children.

"Did everyone have fun today?" he asked. After the affirmative answer had died away, he said, "Don't forget to come back tomorrow. And remember, you can get bucks and points for knowing your memory verse, for bringing your Bible, for bringing an offering for the fund-raiser project, and for bringing a friend with you! And the person who brings the most visitors throughout the two weeks will get a special bonus prize. Now, does anyone know a good VBS song?"

Matt played his Gameboy while the other children sang. Mello belted out the song off-key from the place next to him. Matt smiled around the lollipop stick poking out of his mouth. He wondered whether or not Mello was singing so badly on purpose.

Once the first verse was done, Near had the tune memorized and easily reproduced it the second time around. But his mind was on the events of this strange day. He wondered what L would think of it.

* * *

_No offense is meant toward Lutherans-I just chose a denomination basically at random. xp Hope you enjoyed day one of BBBS. Bring a friend with you tomorrow! lol_


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